My hair reeks of homosexuality.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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