my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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