just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
