I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
