and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
