I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
