Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
