Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
