Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
