no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
