sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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