Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
