so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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