And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
