he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
