I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
