Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
