Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
