If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
