____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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