Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
