tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
