Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
