Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
