please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
