Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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