Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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