Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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