the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Found the puke drawer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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