oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
