my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
