i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
