He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
