The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
