people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
