somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize