You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
