I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Randomize
