did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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