I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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