I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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