You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
