FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
