woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
