You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
