Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize