part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize