They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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