Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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