You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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