He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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