remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
