you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
