Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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