I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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