I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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