So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
