friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
