Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
