my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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