so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
