let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
