hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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