She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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