my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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