i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
