I think my fart just growled at me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
