I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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