Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
