Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
